Parts of my introduction post have been bothering the hell out of me. When I wrote it I felt like I had to defend my husband and I, to make us look “normal” to whoever stumbles upon this site. This paragraph in particular is particular is something I find very grating:
“Firstly, we are not using a D/S relationship as a coping mechanism. I do not feel as if I deserve to be abused and my husband does not feel as if he can repair any damage done from his first marriage by dominating a willing female partner. Also, we were interested in our kinkier sides before entering into bad relationships. In a way we are reclaiming the youthful sense of wonder and curiosity that others tried to rob from us.”
The part about youthful wonder and curiosity is totally true. For us this has also been about unabashedly expressing our desires, fantasies, and thoughts without the other person judging us or telling us we’re defective or weird as we’ve both experienced in the past. We’ve agreed that if one of us is 100% not into what the other person has a fantasy about, that we will simply say, “that’s not for me.” And leave it at that without viewing the person we’ve agreed to spend our life with as abnormal. And while it is true that I don’t think I deserve abuse like I experienced in past relationships, I do realize that many people will see this relationship as an abusive one regardless of how many people practicing the lifestyle try to explain it, I can’t worry about them.
And then I wrote this:
“I address those things first because there is a very common misconception that people in the lifestyle are abusive, want to be abused, think lowly of themselves, etc… We also aren’t using this as any sort of therapy, that we will leave up to the professionals.”
Yet the more I think about these words the more I begin to question if couples would actually save time and money by staying away from the therapist’s office and practicing this lifestyle at home.
Not only did I write those paragraphs out of what I now feel was a pre-defensive move against people’s judgement and assumptions. I wrote it because I didn’t want to think that we would be changing our lifestyle to deal with past hurts, pains, and to help us cope.
Well, that’s exactly what happened two nights ago.
And it was fucking amazing.
Not only was it amazing, every expectation I had thought, felt, imagined for this lifestyle was blown out of the water. I also learned that I am capable of taking more than I thought I would be able to in the beginning which gives me a certain sense of pride.
On Thursday night my husband said something to me that I overreacted to, and we fought. He stayed upon the sofa – where he ended up sleeping – with a glass of Scotch in his hand. Work wasn’t much better for him, his manager berated him about a situation he had nothing to do with the minute he walked in and that was before he could be briefed by the supervisor he was relieving. That part of his day accumulated with another emasculation attempt by his ex-wife when he was dropping off one of the kids from a medical appointment.
Before I left work I called and asked him if he would like to meet me for dinner in town. I walked into the restaurant to find an exhausted and worn-down man and my heart sank. While we were having dinner I took the same route of dealing with things; I quietly tried to talk to him and help him work through things – I was a psych major so I can’t help it – which, works for us a lot of the time. Our communication with each other is one of the reasons we believe our marriage flourishes. When we got back to the house we sat down in the kitchen with a glass of wine and tried to keep talking, keep working through things, and both ended up frustrated and mentally exhausted to the point where neither one of us was making much sense to the other.
I gave up on talking for the night and decided I’d give him a full-body massage followed by an erotic massage. When my husband is very, very stressed I take him into our room if our schedules allow, and I take my time massaging every inch of his body. I put on relaxing music that he likes and light candles around our bedroom. When I am done with every other part of him I concentrate on his penis and give him a drawn-out, creative, and well-lubed hand job that involves a lot of edging. By the time he does orgasm he is shaking, exhausted, barely able to walk, and can’t stand any additional touch to his penis. I do this for him on purpose because it eventually puts him into a very deep sleep and gives him a more relaxing night so that obviously, he feels much more rested in the morning.
So, what started out as the beginning of a somewhat routine evening quickly shifted gears when my husband got on his knees in front of my face.
The week before I started this blog we went and picked up a decent-sized haul at one of our local adult stores. I’ll post more on that later and give my personal reviews and write about our experience buying BDSM and sex toys together as a couple for the first time after we’ve had enough chance to well… test the products out more thoroughly.
Items in the haul involved a crop and flogger suitable for BDSM beginners.
While performing oral on my husband I was still desperately searching for a way to help him relieve his stress other than just regular sex and I knew he was as tired of talking and wasn’t going to be in the mood for practicing Dom commands.
That’s when the revelation came…
I asked him if he’d excuse me to go into my office for a moment and when he gave his permission I took the crop and flogger out of the closet, went back into our room, handed them to him, got on my hands and knees, and presented my ass to him.
“Give me your day.” I said to him.
“What?” He asked.
“Give me your day. Take all of your frustration, your stress, your rage. Whatever you are feeling, I want it.”
I pushed my ass up a little higher. I did feel a tiny bit apprehensive. Not only was this one of our first times practicing this way, I knew he was feeling a lot of pent up anger, more than I had seen in a very long time. But that’s when the light bulb went off. The reason I was sticking my bare ass up in the air in an exceptionally vulnerable position in front of this man is because that’s how much I trust him. Out of everybody I had loved in the past, and shared moments with, here I was with the one I trusted to not only ask to change our lifestyle in this way, but that I felt I could fully trust my body with.
He was amazing.
He started with the flogger and warmed me up a bit, alternating between flogging me and just dragging the strips across my ass, back, thighs. I was especially pleased when he’d give me a smack with the flogger right on my pussy. Then he’d lightly drag the flogger up and down each cheek, then take it back down and dip it between my legs and drag it across my pussy. I could feel my wetness soak the leather strips and leave a trail wherever he’d drag the flogger next; across my ass, over my back, my thighs, and hips. When he’d hit me with the flogger, the wet strips only added to the sting. Two days later and I can still feel where he really did decide to cut loose and let it out. If you’re wondering what it feels like, I would compare it to sun-burnt skin after a few too many minutes out in the sun. A delicious sunburn.
Yesterday I was so turned on by it I had five orgasms throughout the day, all with his permission, of course. I’ll write more on how we are handing that at a later time.
I do have to say that my husband is very good at keeping me in suspense. I really can’t guess or time when the next stroke is coming, where it’s going to be, or if he’s just going to tease my body or rub my ass. I thought it would hurt. I could tell he was pouring all of his frustration, anger, and stress into what he was doing but I only felt the most intense pleasure. The only time I really recoiled from him was when he’d hit my pussy with the flogger, which he only did sparingly, paying more attention to my ass and thighs. My ultimate bondage fantasy is to have my pussy flogged while I’m spread-eagle on the bed but I know we’ll have to work our way up to pussy punishments. Right now we are working on ass and the occasional breast punishments, which I also greatly enjoy.
After my ass was warm and red from the flogger he started to alternate between the crop and his hand, these were more difficult for me to take pain-wise but still immensely pleasurable. I did find myself thinking about using our safe-word the first time but I really don’t want to revert to using it unless I am 100% sure that I really cannot bear whatever is being done to me. I know I won’t push my limits and build my tolerance if I start screaming out a safe word when I should be mentally pushing myself through certain sensations.
So, this gave me the incentive to be creative and I asked if I could suck his cock while he punished me. He moved up to the my face while I stayed on my knees and to my relief, switched back to the flogger while I practiced my deep-throating on him. He has a magnificent cock and I’m embarrassed to admit I’m not very good at taking it all the way down and letting him give me a proper throat-fucking. I do get very sore throats if I let him get too aggressive. We’ve tried to use a numbing spray but it hasn’t done much for us because of his width. Though I have noticed that my skills are improving and sometimes if I am relaxed, focused, and wet enough in my throat, I can usually get my mouth down to the base of his cock for a second or two but that’s not enough for me. I want him to know that he can throat-fuck me as hard as he likes and my personal goal is to get his cock all of the way in my throat so that I can lick his balls. I’ll get there someday.
So, this is where we are at so far and I’m pleased with our progress. I believe he is as well.